A Week in the Life of an Unpublished Sex Writer
I made you some content.
Currently listening to…
Monday
9am — Alarm, no coffee, need groceries, check email, brush teeth, complete Spanish lesson on Duolingo to reach 40 day streak
10am — Eat oatmeal with peanut butter for breakfast, make weekly TikTok schedule, add upcoming flight info to calendar, make bed
11am — Yoga Morning Fresh with Adrienne
12pm — Finalize grocery list, cut coupons on Ibotta, power nap while partner gets dressed
1pm — Grocery shop
2pm — Put away groceries, submit $11.45 in grocery rebates, eat Pub Sub for lunch
3pm — Begin writing gift guide blog
4pm — Sex attempt, it hurts
5pm — Write, product research, phone call with mom
6pm — Write, product research, FaceTime call with sister and new baby
7pm — Part time job, tell coworker about sister having a baby
8pm — Part time job, contemplate life choices
9pm — Shower, prepare setup for gift guide TikTok
10pm — Write, product research, take blog photos I don’t end up using
11pm — Write, proofread, add blog text and photos to Substack from Squarespace, drink protein smoothie for dinner
12am — Confirm blog is ready to post, brush teeth, skincare, retainer, bed
1am — Watch X-Files with partner
Tuesday
9am — Alarm, check email, brush teeth, start period, get tampon in on rare first try, coffee, post gift guide
10am — Call with mom while she reads blog, scare squirrels off balcony, mindlessly edit old blog photos, stop before becoming obsessed
11am — Eat bagel for breakfast, get dressed for TikTok, make bed, pop Midol
12pm — Film TikTok while wrapping gifts and watching Taylor Swift in Directors on Directors, promote blog post on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok
1pm — Realize I’ve bled through my pants while filming, rinse pants, change into shorts, film and post second TikTok
2pm — Complete Spanish lesson for 41 day streak, make rice bowls for lunch
3pm — Eat lunch with partner, watch season six finale of Rick and Morty, tidy kitchen, take out trash
4pm — Glue old receipts in journal
5pm — Curl into ball as Midol wears off and partner makes me raspberry leaf tea
6pm — Plan outfits for upcoming travel
7pm — Part time job, tell coworker about my war with the squirrels
8pm — Part time job, contemplate life choices
9pm — Worry about productivity, free bleed on the treadmill while reading Girlhood by Melissa Febos
“By the time I was thirteen, I had divorced my body. Like a bitter divorced parent, I accepted that our collaboration was mandatory. I needed her and hated her all the more for it. Despite my deep sympathy for all other animals, I was sociopathic in my cruelty toward this one. When she disobeyed me—in her hunger, in her clumsiness—I was punitive and withholding. I scrutinized and criticized and denigrated ceaselessly, even in dreams. Not before or since have I felt such animosity toward another being.”
—Melissa Febos, Girlhood
10pm — Shower, check blog stats, drink protein smoothie for dinner, brush teeth, skincare, retainer
11pm — Plan more outfits for upcoming travel, bed, scroll TikTok while ice rolling face
12am — Watch X-Files with partner
1am — Watch American Pickers with partner
Wednesday
9am — Alarm, snooze
10am — Check email, brush teeth, coffee, blog research
11am — More coffee, pay car payment, make bed, complete Etsy reviews for most recent gift purchases
12pm — Wrap gifts, water plants
1pm — Pack for upcoming travel, eat bagel for late breakfast when packing becomes inexplicably frustrating
2pm — Pack for upcoming travel, partner brings me raspberry leaf tea
3pm — Pack for upcoming travel, have hot flash, eat salt and vinegar chips, complete Spanish lesson for 42 day streak, turn on Friends for background noise
4pm — Call with mom, make General Tso’s tofu for dinner
5pm — Eat dinner with partner, finally finish packing
6pm — Pluck eyebrows
7pm — Part time job, coworker gives me a cowbell to scare the squirrels
8pm — Part time job, contemplate life choices
9pm — Shower, pack carry-on bag and toiletries, drink protein smoothie for dinner, register newest postcard on Postcrossing, brush teeth, skincare, retainer
10pm — Paint fingernails while watching Gordon Ramsay in Hotel Hell
11pm — Bed, watch X-Files with partner while fingernails dry
Thursday
5am — Alarm, brush teeth, pop Airborne, coffee, eat bagel for breakfast, make bed
6am — Uber to airport
7am — Security, partner leaves me for TSA PreCheck line, complete Spanish lesson for 43 day streak
8am — Flight, listen to Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers
9am — Flight, sleep
10am — Flight, sleep
10am — Layover in St. Louis, gain an hour due to Central time change
11am — Flight, sleep
12pm — Land in Tulsa, text mom that I’ve arrived safely, baggage claim
1pm — Lunch at Cava with partner’s aunt and grandpa
2pm — Tour Grandpa’s new house
3pm — Listen to Grandpa tell us stories about meeting Grandma for the first time
4pm — Grandpa insists that I take a brand new pair of shoes he bought for Grandma before she died, my heart is warm, I write a poem in my Notes app
5pm — Arrive at partner’s aunt and uncle’s house, eat taco salad for dinner, open Piggly Wiggly Christmas gifts from partner’s dad and stepmom, feel so loved that I cry
6pm — Game night, play Think You Can Text? over chips and strong margaritas
7pm — Game night, resonate strongly with certain cards
8pm — Listen to stories in the kitchen with partner’s dad and uncle
9pm — More stories, cry a little about the way these dads talk to and about their daughters, make a mental note to blog about it
10pm — Shower, brush teeth, skincare, retainer, bed
Friday
8am — Alarm, brush teeth, dress in black
9am — Eat oatmeal with peanut butter for breakfast, coffee, orange juice
10am — Grandma’s funeral, partner opens with a story about his grandmother that I haven’t heard before
11am — Grandma’s funeral, cry a lot
12pm — Freshen up, change clothes for lunch
1pm — Lunch at Upper Crust Wood Fired Pizza, I order an old fashioned and a small pizza and answer questions about my book
2pm — Power nap on the couch with partner and partner’s aunt as The Santa Clause 2 plays in the background
3pm — Drink Glazed Lemon Loaf tea to warm up, briefly panic about natural flavors in Tazo tea, make mental note to research brand, silently admonish self for knowing too much about natural flavors
4pm — Freshen up for dinner
5pm — Order two glasses of rosé at American Solera, accidentally sit at boy’s table
6pm — Eat dill pickle popcorn at Cabin Boys Brewery
7pm — Have one more glass of rosé
8pm — Browse Mother Road Market, eat Brussels sprouts from Salt and Vinegar, a vegan chicken sandwich from Chicken and the Wolf, and an ice cream cone from Big Dipper Creamery
9pm — Ride with cousins back to aunt and uncle’s house, see Tulsa lights at night, feel so loved that I cry in the backseat
10pm — Game night, Codenames
11pm — Shower, brush teeth, skincare, retainer, pack suitcase, bed
12am — Catch up on notifications, sleep next to already sleeping partner
Saturday
8am — Wake up call, brush teeth, make oatmeal for breakfast, coffee, orange juice
9am — Tour Grandpa’s house with rest of family
10am — Help partner’s sister and stepmom sort through Grandma’s clothes
11am — Continue writing poem in Notes app while family gathers and shares memories of Grandma
12pm — Eat Impossible burger for lunch at Smitty’s Garage Burgers & Beer
1pm — Shop at River City Trading Post, the place I wrote about in my very first blog post
2pm — Emerge from aisles with $67 worth of vintage Barbie memorabilia including three ornaments, cram treasures into my carry-on
3pm — Ride to airport, cry while hugging partner’s family goodbye
4pm — Security, partner once again leaves me for TSA PreCheck line, complete Spanish lesson for 44 day streak
5pm — Flight, read Something I’m Not by Lucy Beresford
6pm — Flight, finish poem in Notes app
7pm — Layover in Houston, buy matcha latte and chocolate, find myself wishing for a flight delay because I have a boundary problem
8pm — Flight, sleep
10pm — Land in Tampa, lose an hour due to Eastern time change, baggage claim, text mom that I’ve arrived safely, Uber home
11pm — Unpack, hang Barbie ornaments on Christmas tree, eat Tofurkey sandwich for dinner, debrief with partner, take a few hits off joint I smuggled home from Las Vegas in September
12am — Late night talking
1am — Late night talking
2am — Brush teeth, skip skincare and retainer, bed, scroll TikTok with partner
Sunday
1pm — No alarm, brush teeth, coffee, unpack
2pm — Do laundry, tidy house, eat bagel for breakfast
3pm — Finish laundry, finish unpacking
4pm — Draft blog post about the way dads talk to and about their daughters
5pm — Power nap on the couch
6pm — Part time job, coworker asks about my trip
7pm — Part time job, wish I’d brought hot tea
8pm — Part time job, complete Spanish lesson for 45 day streak thanks to Friday streak freeze, finish 4th in the Obsidian League
9pm — Part time job, contemplate life choices
10pm — Make it to Publix just before they close to buy Glazed Lemon Loaf tea, shower
11pm — Eat Tofurkey sandwich for dinner, partner makes me tea while I smoke the last of the smuggled Las Vegas joint
12am — Watch Celebrity Jeopardy
1am — Watch Celebrity Jeopardy
2am — Brush teeth, skincare, retainer, bed