Two years ago, I quit my corporate job and spent three months writing a 50,000-word first draft of a book about my vaginismus journey called Hard Things. I didn’t know it was a first draft at the time. In fact, I had 12 copies printed and bound so I could gift them to my family, friends, and former coworkers at Christmas as if to shout from the rooftops, See? I’m a serious writer! Quitting my reliable 9-5 wasn’t a mistake!
Looking back on that choice, perhaps actually shouting would have been more subtle. If you take anything from this post, let it be that first drafts should never, under any circumstances, be PRINTED and DISTRIBUTED. Needless to say, I’ve learned a lot about book writing.
One of the things I’ve learned is that getting a book published is a slow process, and writing the book isn’t the hard part. When I sent this update at the start of 2023, I managed to boil down to one sentence my yearlong battle with my chapter outline. I had all the pieces, but I was embarrassed that I didn’t have the structure figured out yet. Because of this, I was dealing with a particularly long bout of imposter syndrome.
“When you have it, you’ll know.” Said my agent, after my second or third attempt.
But I didn’t know because I didn’t have it.
“Maybe you should take some time away from it.” Said my agent, after my fourth or fifth attempt.
I did that, and all I could think about was an outline that still didn’t exist. There were moments I thought I should make my peace with never writing again. (Dramatic.)
I was in the Grand Canyon when my fully-fleshed outline revealed itself to me. It turns out, I was overthinking it, and I needed something as big as the Grand Canyon to come to that realization. (Seeing the Grand Canyon truly changed my life for reasons beyond my book outline. You can read about that trip here or watch me fangirl about it on TikTok here.)
This time, I knew. I sent it to my agent and I waited. She responded on New Years Day. I was in Kansas having professional headshots taken. A fresh bout of imposter syndrome and the chaos of holiday travel meant avoiding her email altogether, until I could be alone with my laptop and my feelings.
“Brittany, this outline is tremendous. Well done!” Said my agent, after my eightieth attempt.
I did it, and it only took me two years.
Solidifying my outline was a huge victory for me, but a very small milestone in the grand scheme of getting a book published. It’s fitting that on the same day that I finally sat down to process the reply from my agent, Substack notified me of another seemingly small milestone that made me feel like I’d moved mountains.
This email instantly transported me back to a time not so long ago when I proudly included in my book proposal that my Substack had “63 subscribers and counting.” (Adorable.)
I am writing to you in a new year, still working on my old book, feeling refreshed and important and excited. I’m going to spend this year celebrating small things in hopeful preparation for big things ahead for Hard Things. Stay tuned!
Happy for you! This is honestly my favourite Substack that I follow <3