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I’m so excited to finally be posting another book review! If you follow me on TikTok, you know that sexual dysfunction (sexuality in general, really) has taken over my TBR pile, and My Broken Vagina: One Woman’s Quest to Fix Her Sex Life, and Yours by Fran Bushe has been on my list for a while.
I’d read snippets before — I referenced it in my book proposal for Hard Things and in my post about buying stuff to fix my sexual dysfunction, but I only recently got around to finishing it. It was a quick read for me, equal parts informative and relatable, with irresistible British humor sprinkled throughout.
It has been my experience that books have a way of finding me at just the right time. I say this because, had I started reading this one when I first intended to, I might have been disappointed that it offered no cure to my sexual dysfunction and no ultimate sex advice that magically made all of my most intimate problems disappear. Instead, what I found in My Broken Vagina was much-needed solace.
I mostly read it in chunks, between the intense dilator work I started after my 30th birthday. This book became a companion of sorts. The cover of my copy is now shiny in random spots from my lubed fingers, which I figure is appropriate considering the subject matter. My Broken Vagina is a gentle reminder that I’m not alone in my pain, and it offered refreshing humor when that pain felt the most isolating.
At the end of each chapter, Fran includes excerpts from “Honest Conversations About Sex” she’s had with anonymous contributors. Not only were these conversations entertaining, but they were a really clever way to add some inclusivity to her book, seemingly acknowledging that her experience alone is limited. Those sections made it so that My Broken Vagina truly has something for everyone. In fact, it reminded me a little of the anonymous contributions in Every Body, the first book I reviewed on this blog.
Fran’s portrayal of both her teenaged self and her adult self desperately trying to “fix sex” resonated with me for two reasons. I came to appreciate the shorthand for her journey, since for the longest time, I subscribed to the idea that pain-free penetrative sex alone would cure my vaginismus and be the end of my sexual struggles forever. The subtitle reveals what’s remarkable here. It’s not in fixing sex itself, but in everything we learn along the way… it’s in the quest!
Furthermore, I too have used excerpts from my old journals over the years to connect with my inner child and peel back the layers of all the harmful ways I’ve learned to contextualize sex. The moments in the book where Fran references (and writes directly to) her past self were the moments I enjoyed the most. In honor of her extreme vulnerability, I’m sharing an excerpt from my journal at the peak of my own quest, long before I was officially diagnosed with vaginismus.
“We got to the closest point that we've ever been a few nights ago and we just sat there in that position. I couldn't do it. I was humiliated about it. I would give anything for this part of my life to be in the past.”
—March 2014 journal entry, 21 years old
My Broken Vagina reinvigorated my desire to add my own voice to sexual pain discourse, and inspired me to continue seeing strength in vulnerability. Fran’s writing read like a best friend speaking directly to me, offering valuable insights on topics I’m oftentimes hard-pressed to discuss in real life. In short, I loved this one. If you need me, I’ll be Googling sex camps (iykyk) and welcoming My Broken Vagina to its permanent spot on my sex bookshelf.